My sophomore was by far the best year that I've had at Young... maybe 7th grade was better, but I did completely fail a class that year. My first semester was pure BLISS man. My lowest grade was a C and I only had one in my math class (math has never been my strong suit). Then second semester rolled around, I lost my way, and ended up with a D, a C, three B's, and an A in dance. Of course, my mom gave me hell about it...
YES, I know that these grades follow me for the rest of my life. I KNOW this. I KNOW that I need to do better. YELLING at me even more won't make this situation any better! I'm not here to talk about my mom though. But things like this get me thinking about college. I'm about to be a junior in high school. In the fall, I will supposedly be starting the hardest year of my high school career. Plus I'm supposed to start dancing during the school year again? My junior year is about to be crazy. I'm scared. This is the important year. The year that is most crucial to colleges. Everyone wants to go to a good college and be what they always dreamed of being. What if that doesn't happen to me? My friends are all A-B students. Sure they struggle, but not nearly as much as I do. My parents think that I should always ask them for help, and in some cases I do. But maybe there's something wrong with me.
I want to be a professional dancer more than anything. Looking at my abilities now and how everything has been going, that might not happen. That's scary enough. To think that I could possibly end up having to do something that I don't want to do saddens me and I don't want to believe that my performance in school completely just screws me over. I try, I really do. I just don't succeed a lot of the time. I'm always annoyed with the future, probably because I always have a feeling that it won't turn out the way that I want it to. And to see the people around me focusing on their future because it's working for them, or living in the now, it's never something I get to experience. There's always someone on my back about my performance and how I need to do better and trying to help in ways that aren't helping. It's depressing just a little bit. I never catch a break for anything. I feel like a failure to be a good example for my little sister who already doesn't do the best in school, and I feel like a disappointment to my parents because I never do things the way that want them. The thing is, I like school. Like learning actually excites me a majority of the time. But since it never wants to f*cking go well for me, I end up hating it. UGH!
I dearly love all the people that accept me for me. I wish there was more of them. Eh, I'll live.
No comments:
Post a Comment